Today was the first time I have called my health care provider to schedule an appointment with a licensed psychotherapist. One would think that this would not be such a big deal, since I have worked in the mental health field for almost 6 years -- and am in a graduate program that concerns this field. Nonetheless, I was anxious during the call as the person from the clinic assessed and evaluated my answers to a questionnaire. I suppose my anxious symptoms may be derived from some sort of 'projective identification' issues, in which I perceived the stigmatization of what some patients or clients may be feeling about themselves when seeking 'professional psychiatric help.' Or perhaps it is the actual reversal of that thought and really think that those who seek help are nutty and I did not want to accept this.
After reflecting in a more calm state (I made the phone call in my freezing car to stay out of the rain) I was able to realize that stepping out and trusting someone to look into some areas of life that were/are difficult takes a lot of courage. Sometimes we feel that no one can understand our issues or that we can do it on our own. It is a HUGE step to open up and it takes humility and some sense of hope to take that little step towards freedom. Sometimes the freedom takes the work of two or more people -- but nonetheless it requires more than just one's self to grow wholly.
We'll see how this first appointment turns out........
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